My January roundup

First dates, new apps and man-children – the first month of 2022 was a mixed bag!

I went hard at dating during the first month of the year. Perhaps a little too hard. One of my strengths is catapulting myself into something I want to do; one of my weaknesses is I’m not very good at resting. I should perhaps take more of a cue from nature for a while, especially given I’m physically tired from an ongoing health condition and a bit all over the place mentally and emotionally.

Setting that aside, here’s a flavour of what I got up to this month…

I started the dating year enthusiastically, chatting to someone new on Bumble on the first of January and arranging a coffee the next day. A date on the second day of the year! ‘My, I am so proactive’, I thought.

He stood me up.

It was a ‘soft’ standing up in that we had only made a loose plan, but I nonetheless thought it incredibly rude when I proposed a specific time to meet on the morning of the date and he stopped replying.

I filed this one under ‘dodged a bullet’ and relished the time recouped, which I enjoyed spending alone and not with a 40-year-old man who acts 20.

The rest of the month saw other leads materialise, for better or worse. I had three first dates with single men, none of whom I was especially attracted to, although one was at least good company. Two were clearly just looking to get laid despite profile information to the contrary, and while I have no objections to doing so on a first date, I just wasn’t convinced it would be worth my while.

I had two great dates with a poly couple who are good company and helpfully advising me on the alternative dating scene. Three-way dating is new territory for all of us – I am not experienced with couples beyond a few first dates, and they are experienced with open relationships but haven’t previously dated together. It isn’t super straightforward but I feel comfortable and the communication is good.

I added Ok Cupid to my app collection after someone suggested it was good for meeting people into alternative stuff. I’d told them about a recent experiment with telling someone on Hinge that I was looking for something open or ‘monogamish’ for my next significant relationship. We’d been really hitting it off but he went cold after this revelation. That was disappointing, but I think it is best to be transparent about this new deal breaker of mine – I don’t like people wasting my time and I don’t want to do it to others.

One of the most interesting things that happened this month was reconnecting with someone I first met 10 years ago and haven’t spoken to for a few years. I was typing away at my computer one evening when a little text pinged up to say he was nearby and did I fancy coffee. Years ago my heart would have fallen through the floor; this time I was just happy to hear from him and curious to find out what he was up to. We’ve met up twice now. I’ll share the whole story another time as it’s quite a ride.

The worst thing that happened this month? Brace yourself, this is awful.

I asked my handsome Sicilian hairdresser out after we flirted during my haircut. I chickened out in the salon, but later stalked him on Instagram and arranged a coffee. He said he’d get back to me with a specific time on the morning of the date. Having chatted to him during several haircuts I got the sense he was a decent guy and was happy to keep it loose on this occasion.

On the actual day I didn’t hear from him all day, even though he’d been online and I had politely nudged. He finally messaged at dinner time to say he’d been too busy in the end and that we should reschedule. I initially gave a polite no, but after he apologised profusely, I took a beat and agreed.  

To which he replied – I’m not even joking – ‘okay [happy face emoji]!! No drama though please [sun emoji].’

That was a level of gaslighting and immaturity I just couldn’t tolerate and I pulled the rip cord on the thing hard and fast. So now I have no date and I have lost a very, very good hairdresser. If you have curly hair and struggle to find people who know how to cut it you will appreciate how serious this is.

So what did I learn and value this month?

Well, I had a reminder that many children live in adult male bodies. I’m getting better at backing away immediately however hot they are. More work to do though!

Secondly, I’m very glad to have met this couple who are excellent company and new spirit guides for alternative lifestyles.

And finally, I perhaps need to be a bit more cautious asking out highly skilled and valued service providers. I have already lost a hairdresser and a carpenter.

I hope you had a good start to the year, reader!

Photo by Deagreez on Istock